I Pick My Friends Like I Pick My Fruit

Life-changing and now I realize that true friendship is not measured by how long you have known a person, but by who is standing by your side through your toughest times. Erykah Badu said it best in her song “Appletree,” that she picks her friends like she picks her fruit. When I was younger I simply sang these lyrics not truly knowing the meaning behind them. After years of molding myself to be a better woman, I have come to take on new knowledge of… ➫

what she meant. Fruit picking is an intricate, delicate process that takes time and focus. Choosing those who will have an impact in your life parallels this same process. The way in which we choose those that we associate with should be one of great thought, measuring all aspects of that individual and discovering which qualities you can overlook in order for them to be in your life versus which ones you cannot.

In my opinion, there are really only three types of friends:

1. The first type of friend is the one who is only there to pull you down. In the ladder of life, these are the ones who (once you reach your destination) are constantly tugging at your ankles in an attempt to get you to come back to their level. Some people call them the “haters,” but they are simply the motivation that you need in order to look back and see from whence you came. Instead of looking at them as a burden in your life, look at them as inspiration to achieve more than you have in your past.
2. The second type of friend is one who is in your life for a season; I guess you could call him/her the “associate”.These are the people who are sent to you in order to help you gain knowledge and wisdom before they exit your life. In this case, the relationship that you have with this person can be either good or bad, but the end result is always the same. After their season with you has ended, you will have gained not only a revelation about the person in which they are, but lessons about yourself as well. This can aid in discovering things about yourself, as well as how to interact with others who exhibit the qualities of the person who is no longer in your life.
3. The third type of friend is the one who will always be there for you no matter what. Despite any hardships that you may face, you always face them together. They are the ones who lift you up instead of knocking you down and whom you learn from on a daily basis, not simply for a season. They are the ones who you can reveal your secrets, dreams, and aspirations to without any judgment. They are your wings when you are unable to fly, your logic during your illogical episodes, and your shoulder to cry on: the “true” friends.

I know that it is illogical to think of friends in only three categories because I understand that there are different levels to each of these. The only advice that I can give is to pick your friends like you pick your fruit. Go into each relationship with an open heart, but also know whether the friendship is something you can learn from or whether it is something that proves to be unhealthy for you in the end.